| Belle of the Cr... 的个人资料Bonsai Kitten日志列表 |  工具  帮助 |
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8月4日 God, Jesus and other things about mehey everyone!! camp was really awesome!!! On the first nite i felt really touched. i dont think anyone is ever going to see this so it wont matter if i say things i normally wouldnt say infront of ppl. i kno that im not close to God any more. i have problems focusing on Him. i thought that after camp everything would be fine, i'd get close to God again, but thats not how its working out. i kno that i barely have a relatationship w/ him. and it all started w/ a guy. yes, yes, a guy. instead of talking to God i'd think a about this guy. instaed of doing ,my devotions i'd write in my new diary about that guy. i never used a diary before, untill the guy. well acctually i knew the guy for a long time, i still kno him now, but a never thought about him in that way before. i remembered last year at Girls camp that was the high piont in my relationship w/ God. when i pretty much started doing devotions. i thought if i went back to camp it'll put things back the way they were. i thought that just by going to camp i would fix my relationship w/ God. in one week. now i kno that its not going to be that easy that i have to have more then one week of constant teaching, more than one week of being w/ christian friends. i think that last year before i was a "teenager" my mind accepted God more easilly i've gotten so stuck in my ways that now i have to work twice as hard to fix them. i kno that i need to go back to God as a child, not as a teenager. on my b-day i was so happy to finally be a teenager , but now i feel so separted from God. i want to yell his name like a child afraid of the dark so he will come back to me. i want to feel Him mave inside my haert to wittness to those who r lost. i kno that i should go straight to my friends, but its so much easier to go to those who dont kno u. they havent seen u when u were in a bad mood. when i was little everyone thought i was such a good child, all my teachers thought i was an excellent example. now my teachers turn up when i say something not pleaseing to the Lord. i never cursed but i do jokingly call people names and well the teachers dont kno that. and i kno that i shouldnt call ppl names anyway.its just so much harder to be good when u arent good on the inside. sometomes i think not saved ppl are lucky becuse they can sin and i cant. i kno it should be the other way around but i cnat help it. i just want Jesus to be visible in my life again.
Belle |
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